Begining of the end, Part One

It is time to come clean, time to explain, hopefully after this it will be time to let go of all that guilt I have carried for what seems like forever but is really just over a year. I am ready to do what i created this blog to do.

Part One: In Septemeber of 2009 I was living in Natomas, a small subsection of Sacramento CA. I had a job as a security guard for Target, boring yes but it paid most of the bills. I shared an apartment with my wife, 2 children, and a roomate who was a friend from high school who I held in high regard. By all accounts I had a decent life and a happy family for the most part.

It was during this time that I befriended several younger coworkers at target. I am not sure now if I was looking for trouble or if It was all coincidence, but for whatever reason I became deeply depressed. But instead of going to the one person who had always taken care of me and could have helped me, my wife, I instead retreated into myself. I know now it was fear of becoming like my mother, who is a manic depressive and Bi-polar, but at the time I could not bring myself to believe the problem lied within myself. Because I was in denial of my own issues I began to blame the one person who noticed I was having a problem, and since she was trying to help me, my wife became the enemy.

I started sleeping on the couch, ignoring my family, seeking advice and council from my target friends, becoming a shell of who i once was. I decided that because things had become so bad at home that it was time to move out. To abandon my family. Starting over would be easier to do than fixing myself, right?

Now the real fun started......

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