The month between losing my family and then taking the trip to see them again was one of the worst in my life. Those first few days were spent waiting on calls from my wife and trying my best not to break down every couple of minutes. I talked for hours, I apologized hundreds of times, I bought a plane ticket. Sleep did not come easy for me and I began to plan my move to Colorado, a plan that would not come to fruition for 10 more months.
I was not in the right frame of mind and had no one in my life left to help me through my situation. The supposed "friends" I had at work all turned against me which made going in for 9 hours a day utter hell on top of what I was already going through. To speed up the time frame I decided that stealing from said job and selling the items was a decent idea. I had never committed a crime in my life and for a time it worked. I had saved enough money to finance a lavish trip to Colorado and even more to help with my eventual "big move". This of course would not last and I was caught. Apparently someone had reported my relationship with a coworker, a relationship I had ended the day after Christmas, to the higher ups from another store. I had already decided to stop stealing and had almost enough to move but I needed one last score just to make sure I would be alright. This was the day management looked into my supposed relationship, this was the day I got caught stealing.
After being arrested I thought my life could not get any worse. I was making mistake after mistake and I missed my family terribly. All I had was my daily conversations with my wife and children to look forward to, we talked and talked and I was told there was hope for us to be together again. I had blown much of my funds on bail but had enough for my trip still, so I flew out.
When I arrived at the home of my wife's parents I was promptly informed that I was not allowed inside, that parking in front of the house would not be tolerated by my father in-law. I kept quiet and just enjoyed my visit. We had a wonderful time, and when I had to leave goodbyes were said with hugs and long meaningful kisses from my wife. I would see my family once more in April, when they traveled to see me this time, again goodbyes were said with hugs and kisses being exchanged. Hope was alive and in force and I was told there was a future to be had.
Because of my short flirtation with being a criminal I had to stay in California, making weekly visits to the courthouse for my case. It seemed that my employers wanted to pin much more on me than what I actually stole. I had in fact returned a little less than half of the merchandise I had lifted in perfect condition and unopened packaging but they had seen me as an opportunity to get a huge "apprehension" and blame everything and the kitchen sink being taken on me. Because the store had no proof of 70% of these stolen items my case was dragged on and on with continuations, stalling the verdict because the District Attorney wanted more and I had no previous record. Finally in July of 2010 my case was closed, leaving me with a misdemeanor and restitution to pay. I was shocked but very ready to finally get on with my life.
It would not be until October of 2010 that I could finally afford to make the move. I saved up enough money and was granted a transfer from my current job so I would even be employed in Colorado! I had expected my family to be waiting with open arms after almost a year of daily conversations and planning, what I got was very different. When I arrived in Colorado after a 19 hour drive it was 11 PM and my family had gone to sleep, after a wonderful reunion with my children they were off to school. My wife gave me the slightest of hugs and was angered when I attempted a kiss. I was also reminded that I was not allowed to park near their home. The next few weeks were difficult as I was sleeping in the cab of my small Ford Ranger and seeing my children every chance I could. It was getting closer to winter but I could not enter the house, so me and the kids read a book each night before bed on the front porch, this is the closest I was allowed to coming in.
After two weeks of sleeping down the street in my truck my father in-law asked a neighbor to call the police on me, saying I was a vagrant and a nuisance. Luckily the neighbor was very kind and informed me of this, listening to my story and understanding my intentions.
Once the weather had started to get worse, growing ever closer to the snow season, friends of my wife allowed me to sleep on their couch until I was able to secure a place of my own. Sleeping in my vehicle had begun taking its toll on me as I was becoming ill, I will forever be grateful to these kind people for opening their home to almost a complete stranger. In November 2010 I was taken to dinner by my wife and told there was no hope for us. There were no feelings for me and not a shred of love left. I was crushed, this was the true end to everything I had worked so hard for, this was the ultimate punishment for how much I had hurt her.
So things went on like that, I attempted to deal with being let go, still holding out bits of hope but finally giving in to my agonizing pain so that I did not loose her entirely. I agreed to sign whatever paperwork. To stop wearing my wedding ring. To stop trying to make her love me. A week later my wife came to me and told me there was hope, she still had feelings for me, and for a time things were good. We rebuilt a friendship and continued a relationship, always having to keep it secret from her parents for fear of them becoming angry.
Angry that their daughter would repair her marriage.
My kisses are now met with a cheek, my statements of love are met with a friendly "Thanks, see ya later", and I have to plan time to see my children. I am told me and my wife "will always have a connection" but that it wont go much further. I now live a shadow of a life, spending every moment I can with the children whom I adore. She is still my best friend and we spend a great deal of time together but she is not mine to have and hold. I would still try and move mountains for her.
So this is the way my story ends, not with a bang, not with a happy ending, but with a whimper.
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