The only exception

I hate people who cheat. Like despise them with a heated passion. Why even cheat? If you truly do not want to be with someone why even bother with the lies and pain of cheating? The funny thing about my views on infidelity is that I have done it. I have been the dirty disgusting cheater. I still hate anyone who cheats, doing it myself did not give me an insiders opinion on the act and in fact made me hate it even more. Worst of all it made me hate myself for doing it, for becoming a statistic, for giving in to the petty and shallow urges I always prided myself for not doing.

The hardest part is that I did in fact learn a lesson from cheating, I learned that there was a very good reason to hate people who commit adultery, and that its not worth it. I had everything and now I have nothing. Its hard to think about the man I would be right now had I not left my wife and slept with another. On the one hand I would have my wife and children with me, I would not have destroyed my family and caused the pain that I did. On the other hand I no long like the man I was one year ago, he was selfish and angry, he was not happy with himself, he was not much of a man at all.

I have traveled not only a thousand miles to be with my wife and children, but also nearly a years worth of personal growth and self reflection. Not all of that distance has been constructive, and much of it may have bordered on self destruction, but without all that pain I would not have been able to let go of my anger and self resentment. I would not have learned to appreciate life like I do now. I would not have been able to open my heart to all the good things I have experienced and have yet to experience.

I destroyed my life as I knew it and as much as I wish I could go back and change things, I cannot. As much as i wish she loved me with all her heart, she very well may never again feel that way. But am I a better person for the lessons I have learned? I think I am.